im holly from the hills drunk
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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