I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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