omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
