I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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