I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
