Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
