sarcasm needs its own font
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
