whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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