Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
