so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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