nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
