I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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