What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Randomize