i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
