there's paper in my vomit.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
