im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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