Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I lost the right to judge tonight
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize