Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
