I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
