I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
