he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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