Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
