So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
