Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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