I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
