That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
