Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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