you traded sex for a burrito?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
