I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
