So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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