If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
