look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
He has the fingertips of a God
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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