Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
