So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
