I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Someone shattered a urinal.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
