me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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