Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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