dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
