he wants to bone in the snuggie
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
