Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
