you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Small penises have feelings too.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
