well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
