he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
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