There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
