I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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