Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
