I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
