So drunk its hurt
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize