So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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