Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
