You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
