I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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