Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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