Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
