Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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