you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
