i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
