Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize