he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
