Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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