Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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