he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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