If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
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