I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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