she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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