Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
