i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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