If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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