Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
