dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Mom said you looked used
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
