I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
