i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
