I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
he was CRYING into my vagina
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
