Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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