grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Randomize
