That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
