Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize