So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
