I just threw up on my dentist
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
