the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
