fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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