Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize