The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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