Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
