...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I enjoy the company of your penis
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
