You don't have asthma, your pregnant
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
God, you're like boner-b-gone
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
