His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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