You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize