Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
The air taste purple.
Randomize
