I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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