what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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