Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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