i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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