He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize