TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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