I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I deserve this hangover.
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