yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
