I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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