My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
