we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
