Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
