drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
