The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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