guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
