Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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