yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize