put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
