Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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