I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
