I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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