Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize