pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
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