I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
