the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
