Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
